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| (Image from Questions on Islam) |
More Mountains To Move
What is
keeping me
from my purpose?
What is holding me back
in life? I have faced more fears
than I could possibly imagine and yet,
there are more waiting for their turn! I
thought that if I was willing to do all of
this "inner-work" that my world would
unfold before me! It has undoubtedly
changed, but it I still remain what
seems like miles—or, for that
matter, even years—from
my destination! I feel that
I have enormous potential.
And, yet, I feel as if I have
been struggling this whole
time just to come up to zero,
just to shovel my way out of the
haze. For all the work I have done,
I have yet to find something so basic
as a job which does not totally drain me
and still pays the bills! I know that I came
here to first heal myself, then to share what
I have learned with others, so they may
heal as well—just as others have done
for me, from whom I have learned.
What still escapes me is how to get
there! I have peeled back layer,
after layer, after layer of fear
and self-misconception—yet, I
still seem to remain covered
in it, like a snake who
thinks this has got
to be the last time
that he will have to
go through this whole
process of shedding—yet
again! And just as before,
I will seek out Wise Counselors
and ask them, “What is my next
step?” I will heed their advice
and do what I need in order to
remove yet another obstacle in
my path—but only it seems in
preparation for the next one to
come along! That is why I am so
incredibly tired of having to ask for
help; so tired of the struggle; so tired
of working so hard and facing so many
fears, only to find that I have so many
more to face. I feel like I have moved
mountains—only to find that there are
so many more mountains to move!
-Paul Whiting
(a.k.a., Three Dark Horses)
"I am the darkness which brings the light!"
My Spiritual Notes:
The reason that I wrote this poem can be summed up with the following statement: I wrote this poem before I moved from Salt Lake City, Utah, to Portland, Oregon, and found a job better suited to my Type A personality, which was being a "Litigation Document Coder" and later on, an Administrative Assistant, at the same company.
And before I found those more suitable jobs for me—at a more suitable company—I used to go from job to job to job. You see, I would try over and over again to find work that paid the bills, but that also did not drain me, so I still had a life, because I am an introvert with a Type A personality!
And I wrote this poem as a way to express my frustration over facing fear after fear, so that I was more confident and could find work out of 'love' rather than out of 'fear,' but I still seemed to be covered in fear "like a snake who thinks this has got to be the last time that he will have to go through this whole process of shedding—yet again!"
The issue, as it turned out, was my fear of finding work in Salt Lake City, Utah, where I was born, which wasn't exactly conducive to me being consistently employed, since I am really effeminate in my mannerisms and there is a lot of homophobia in Utah!
Plus, as I mentioned before, I really have a Type A personality that is "outgoing, ambitious, rigidly organized, highly status-conscious, impatient, anxious, proactive, and concerned with time management," which is not how a lot of folks are in Salt Lake City, Utah! They are much more like Type B personalities than Type A personalities.
However, in Portland, Oregon, I was surrounded by Type A personalities, such as lawyers (Portland has one of the highest number of lawyers per capita in the U.S.A.), and here I truly felt at home with all of the other perfectionistic, get-it-done-right-the-first-time-or-do-it-over-and-over-again-until-it's-done-right workers, who are customer service focused, efficient, well organized and task-oriented!
And this poem was also published on my "Small All White in the Forest" and "Paul Whiting — A Creative Writer" blogs (please see the hyperlinks below for the blogs), since I feel that the message in this poem applies to the message that I am trying to convey through "Small All White in the Forest" and "Paul Whiting — A Creative Writer."
This poem was written in Salt Lake City, Utah.
-Paulee
https://smallallwhiteintheforest.blogspot.com
https://paulwhitingwriting.blogspot.com
P.S.: If you are interested in reading all of the posts in the series I wrote that include the poem "More Mountains To Move" from the above-mentioned blogs, which are listed under the post title, "Shoveling My Way Out Of The Haze, Part 1" and "Shoveling My Way Out Of The Haze, Part 2" on both of my "Small All White in the Forest" and "Paul Whiting — A Creative Writer" blogs, please see the hyperlinks below:
https://smallallwhiteintheforest.blogspot.com/search/label/Shoveling%20My%20Way%20Out%20Of%20The%20Haze
https://paulwhitingwriting.blogspot.com/search/label/Shoveling%20My%20Way%20Out%20Of%20The%20Haze
This "Three Dark Horses" Post No. 010 was edited on May 5th, 2024.
"Poetry is using the fewest words possible in order to describe all that is possible to describe." –Paul Whiting [June 1st, 2022]
